I still need to dwell on this because it is the major problem children are facing today especially in Nigerian homes and Africa at large. Most parents are so abusive though nobody will talk about it. They interchange abuses for discipline. An abusive mother's or father is the worst nightmare of any child, though they won't speak up because of the fear of the unknown and the little benefit the gain from the abusive mother or father. I get angry when people defend abusive parents, saying that it's as a result of a child's stubbornness and they use that to abuse the child saying it is discipline. It pisses me off frankly. And some parent will go on preaching Ephesians 6 verse 6 to their children without reading Ephesians 6 verse 4 too. It's drains seriously. No child ever wants to be stubborn or be a bad child but parent makes their child to be stubborn. If you demand respect from your child, give them respect. If you want your child to be gentle and humble, show them love, be kind, calm and gentle to them too. You can't be abusive and expect a good child...no! Even if they exist good children from abusive home, it's few. Accept the child forgives and gets heal, but forgiveness is pretty hard though.
It's totally painful when a child is suppose to get love and warmth from the parents is getting the opposite. When a child is looked down on and when the parent are so negative, it destorys they child. It reduces their self-esteem and makes them see themselves as failures. I was reading an article on Nairaland where a girl wished her abusive mother could die and people came out with comments saying Karma will locate her, that she is so ungrateful and they said all bad things to her. When I read the comments I felt so bad, like some people don't know the hell that exist in an abusive home. Most of them haven't actually experience any abuse though. I saw the commentators as people who can't reason. A girl who experienced all kinds of abuses from the mother; physical, verbal, emotional abuses and you expect such child to be happy and wish the mother well? Is not possible. It takes time, healing and forgiveness. What if she died in the hands of her mother? I know some religious folks would still preach Ephesians 6 verse 6 to her. And tell her how she is suppose to be a good girl while her mother is abusive. No child ever wants to be a bad child.
Bad parenting/ abusive home create a deep pain in the heart of a child. It weakness them, the scar remains up till adulthood except the child sees a therapist and undergoes treatment. It is not easy to stay in an abusive home, it takes God's grace to survive it. It causes loneliness, depression and other mental health illness. The worst part of being with an abusive parent is that they always make you depend on them for survival. They feed, shelter and cloth they child. They won't allow they child work or do something for herself, so the child would always depend on them and won't be financially independent. They first step to overcome an abusive parents is to be financially independent. They know that when the child has money, he or she may walk away and won't depend on them anymore, they won't have to abuse anymore. So they choose to make a child dependent on them...for everything. When a child doesn't have money, he or she finds it so difficult to leave an abusive home except with help from friends.
Abusive parent destorys a child's childhood and social life. They won't even let you make friends. Most children are caged in their homes like prisoners. Their life revolves round their house. They can't talk or correct the parent because to them a parent is always right and the child is wrong. Their life revolves round the house, church and market. Even in church you dare not make friends. Always hiding in their rooms, will feel happy when the parent is not around but immediately the mother or father is back everyone is scared and afraid...tell me isn't the house a prison? I wouldn't call such a home...it is just a prison yard. Tell me how such a child can grow and feel good in such a place. They will always feel like running out given any little opportunity. If such child finally moves out unwilling without planning people may take advantage of him/her.
I pray parent stop being abusive and make friends with their children. Most children as old as they are, they cannot discuss their problems or personal life with their parents because of fear. Abusive parents are not close to their children. They misunderstand everything done by their children. They create fears in the lives of the children and make them stay with this fear. An abusive parent is the greatest thing that can disstablize a child.
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