Bethy-Creative Stories: Battling Depression

Why does life sometimes hurt, sometimes they say patience is everything but how long will you wait, 16years or how long?? All my life its all pain, I could literally count how many times I have been happy in my life. All I keep saying to myself is endurance is all it takes but honestly am really getting tired, and there is nobody that can ever understand me. Any little mistake I make I am reminded that am a failure, by who is what you thinking...by MY FATHER😞  Well he has never really been a father to me, as a kid I wanted a father i could talk to, share my day with, laugh with but instead i was given a father that doesn't care, that reminds you of your own mistakes, that causes you, that isnt proud of you except he sees people appreciating you. Loosing my mom was the beginning of more suffering for me. Am reminded that he spent his life sponsoring me in an expensive school and taking care of me, where the only time he buys me clothes are during Christmas or doesn't care if am looking unkept. All that comes to my mind when I see him is the pain he put me and my siblings through, even being deprived of everything I still turned out to be a good child one to be proud of, prior to this life did i do something bad in my previous life is all i ask myself. Anything i want to do, i have to go hiding is that life?? I can't go out other than the market, hairdresser salon or tailors place. I gave him good grades, I graduated with a strong second class degree, but the one time i had a carryover all he said is " you are so useless all you ever do is disgrace me and waste my money". At a point I stopped making friends because I can't keep up with what friendship entails. 15years of my life has had more of pain than happiness. Relationship is something I can't get into because i cant see who am dating, the person cant visit me even if we are in the same state so why is it called a relationship. All my life have learnt to be independent and strong but of late am to weak to be strong and I guess i have to resign my fate to this pathetic and sad life i was born into. But so far I really want to thank those amazing people I met in my sojourn in life, thanks for giving my life a meaning at some point, I can't list their names but i love and appreciate you guys, thanks for giving me a good laugh and creating memories with me. 

This is for someone battling depression. 

Depression is real and can make one commit suicide. I remember the first time I started speaking up the issue I am facing, I remember people telling me, don't say it, stop washing your dirty linen outside. My aim wasn't to disgrace myself but to seek for help and alot of people misunderstood me. They took me to be a bad child. The first step to walk depression out is to speak up and ask for help. I know people will say the world is bad and nobody will help you, family is everything but sincerely it is better to speak up and someone helps you than dieing in silence. When you speak up, meet trusted people that can help you out, not jumping from fry pan to fire or from one abuse to the other. I can recall those times I needed parental love, I tried so hard to please my father but all I had was his badmouth, abuses and my mother would say, " they gave us education ". I tried so hard, I cried so hard. I had thought of so many things. I thought of suicide so many times. I couldn't sleep some nights, I wet my pillows with tears. I never looked healthy. He was busy acting the good man outside and pretend as if all was perfect. I wanted him to change and be like lovable fathers I see people have, but he never changed. I still hurt though, there is nothing I could do about it. I had to accept the fate.

It pains when parents make their children go through alot of pains and stress. It is not easy to survive this especially when it comes from people who are suppose to love you and you call them family. It takes time to forgive, the scars remains even into adulthood. Most of them are not even aware of the pains they make children go through. Already the world isn't a nice place to be, why add sorrow to them again?